What's in a Name?

That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet...

My parents deliberated over what to call me for months. Though they didn't know I was a girl until I was born, they both had their favorite names picked out for both a boy and a girl. We'll skip the boys, since clearly that is irrelevant. Though, my father's stupid self wanted to name my older brother Fresh.

My mother liked the names Chloe, Dana, and Becky or Rebecca for me, and my father refused anything that didn't sound Irish enough. They couldn't really agree on anything.

They flipped through baby books for weeks, asking each other's opinions on names they liked, still not reaching a consensus. Then, finally, one day the debate was over. My mom saw the name Kerry in a book and thought it sounded nice. I don't think my dad wanted to admit it, but he liked it. Plus, it's completely Irish -- there is even an entire county in Ireland named Kerry -- so of course he accepted.

Per all the times I googled and searched for the meaning of my name, only two similar things came up. Kerry means "dark-haired girl" or "dark-haired princess." Well, I am a girl, and I do have dark hair. I don't know about that "princess" business, though.

When I was younger I would complain about my name and say that I wish it was different. I used to like the name Cindy, but now my tastes have changed. I don't think mine is so bad anymore. It's not terribly common, and any other people with the same name usually spell it with an i at the end instead.

Now if only I could get rid of my dad's last name...

What's with the Pressure?

Why do mothers push their daughters to do things they are not ready for?

My mother wants grandkids. Like, right now. "I don't want to be old and decrepit when you have kids," she says. "I want to be able to still have fun with them."

Okay, that's valid. However, Mom, it's not your body or your life. It's mine. And I'm just not ready for any of that. My choice to have kids when I want to will not depend on your age or vitality.

I don't even know if I want children yet. Okay, pick your jaws off the floor and give your hearts a minute to start again. I know, I know. A young female of child-bearing age may not even want to have them? What is this blasphemy? Women are the emotional ones who yearn to create life, to pass on their DNA and flesh and blood and form their own little mini selves.

But me? I feel I have no maternal instincts. Everything about motherhood terrifies me. Another human being's life is literally in my hands. One wrong move and I could easily accidentally harm my own child. I could say or do the wrong thing and screw him or her up for life. And then there's the whole pregnancy fiasco. Because all of that magic sounds like a glowing basket of jellybeans on Easter.

My mother had her first child, my older brother, at age 24. This apparently means that I should have had my first already, since I just turned 25. Does she not realize that times have changed, and just because she had kids young that doesn't meant that I should, have to, or am going to also?

I can't even afford to take care of myself right now. I'm paying off my last semester of my undergrad -- because I couldn't get a loan on my own, and my mom was apparently maxed out from her cosigning both my brother's and my loans -- I can't even pay my own car insurance, and I am drowning in student loan debt which I will be paying off for the rest of my life. How could I possibly even begin to think about starting a family if I can't even keep myself afloat?

Besides, there is no ring on this finger. Danny is even younger than me. He's the one who wants kids in our future, and he's less ready for that kind of commitment than I am. We have plenty of time, Mom, okay? Okay?!

Happy Mother's Day: Life Lessons

Moms are great. They take care of you as a baby; feeding, changing, clothing, entertaining, curing, hydrating. This continues throughout your childhood and adolescent years, while adding more complicated things as your progression as a human continues, such as conversation and negotiating.

Mothers become more than just our 24-hour babysitters. They become nurses, coaches, bank tellers, counselors, chauffeurs, teachers, maids, chefs, seamstresses, and in my case, dads too. And for others, much more.

Moms teach us many life lessons. For some people, there is one lesson, one instance of a childhood or adolescent memory that stands out in particular. Something you learned that you will never forget.

I don't have a memory like that.

I've had a ton of great times with my mom. Feeding ducks at the pond, bowling, ice skating, card and board games, baking cookies, playing Double Dare and hitting each other in the face with whipped cream pies (oh yeah, we did it).

But I never had that one specific moment that stuck out like a sore thumb, that life lesson I will remember forever. Maybe my memory isn't that great. Maybe we never had those moments together. Or, maybe it's because moms never stop teaching us.

Moms are wise individuals. They've lived and learned, they've experienced life on many levels. They've had ups and downs, just like the rest of us. And all they want is for their kids to grow up to be happy, decent, successful people. For that to come to fruition, it takes much more than one life lesson. Rather, those lessons are infinite. Until the grim day that we part ways on this Earth, moms never cease to give us their knowledge.

My mom taught me many things. And, not always just with words, but by her behavior and actions as well. Here is just a snippet of the numerous life and other lessons I have received (in no particular order):

1. Treat others how you want to be treated. You wouldn't want someone to bully you, be mean to you, or put you down, so don't be that person to someone else.
2. Know when to stand up for yourself. Just because you are a nice person, doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. People may mistake kindness for weakness, but don't let them.
3. Work hard, and go for what you want in life. Complacency will lead you nowhere, except exactly where you are. If you want to achieve something, or change something in your life, you won't get it by staying where you are. Do something about it.
4. If I have to lie to Mom about it, it's probably not a good idea.
5. Know when to walk away. It is infinitely better to be single than to be with someone who is not good for you. Stand up for yourself. Know that you are better and more than a relationship.
6. Animals have souls, too. If there are no dogs in Heaven, we are boycotting. Assuming we make it.
7. If you have to, set two alarms. Or three, or four...
8. Act appropriately for your audience/situation. This does not mean change you are depending on who you are with. However, you cannot always exhibit the same behavior with friends as you can with professionals at work.
9. Sometimes, life sucks, and you have to deal with it.
10. And sometimes, you just need to live it up and have fun. It's okay to act like a kid again every once in a while.

That's just a taste. I think I'll keep the rest to myself.

Thank you Mom, for everything you've done and continue to do. I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

Freeky Friday: Inspiration

Hey, Freeks! It's back to Freeky Friday, and today, Freekware asks...


Who inspires you?


I have multiple answers to this question. Though two of them include celebrities, I want to refrain from people in the media, as I don't actually know them as people, just as who they present themselves to be and do.


This post involves three people I personally know and love.
(Note: All pictures are mine unless otherwise stated.)


The first is my wonderful, loving mom, Phyllis. She is the strongest woman I have been blessed to know. She raised two kids alone, with virtually no help from anyone else, broke, desperate for money, and still stood her ground. She has been one of my best friends since the day she brought me into this world, and always a mom first. She always knew exactly what to do when, and exactly what to say when. She has not only been a great mom and friend, but she's so much more than that. She's also a teacher, a tutor, a coach, a chauffeur, a chef, a bank teller, a nurse (and she's a real one now!), a maid, a contractor, a gardener, a landscaper, a vet, a counselor, and anything and everything in between. She has been and continues to be everything a mom should be, and beyond her required call of duty. She is also simply a terrific person, holding within a heart of gold which she lets open only to those closest to her. I hope that if (yes, I said IF, MOM!) I become a mother one day, I can be even half as awesome as she is.

The second person who inspires me is my absolutely amazing boyfriend, Danny. I've posted about him before, because he's just that awesome. He is, without question, the best man I've ever known. He is the most honest and truly genuine person I've ever met, and I am so grateful to have him to call mine. I am not writing his name here simply because he is my boyfriend, or that he is loving, kind, and considerate toward me. He knows how to treat people, not just me. He always does the right thing, and never questions his morality. He respects everyone, unless they prove they don't deserve it, and even then he's still nice. I know that he's never once lied to me, and not just because he can't (seriously, he's the worst liar in the world; he can't hide anything), but because anyone who spends more than two seconds with him knows he can be trusted with anything. He is the most trustworthy person in my life, and I have absolutely no reason to say otherwise. You never get any kind of feeling or "vibe" with him that lets you know he's anything other than honest. He's the needle in the haystack of horrible men who lie, cheat, abuse, and do every other atrocious thing that people do in relationships. And he chose me, and I will forever be grateful for that. I wish that there were not only more men like him, but more people with his character.

The third and last, but certainly not least, person I chose who inspires me is one of my best friends, Debbie. If you live in my area or anywhere on Long Island, you may have heard her story. On February 13, 2010, while taking a shower before work, Debbie suffered a violent seizure, causing her to fall and hit the water spigot and handles. Scalding hot water continued to pour over her face, neck, shoulders, and back, as she lay unconscious in the water, with one nostril barely above water. Her dog, a black pomeranian named Gangsta, flew down the stairs (which she NEVER did; she refused to go down the stairs at all) and furiously barked outside the bathroom door, alerting Debbie's sisters and dad. They got inside, turned off the water, and tried to pull Debbie out of the tub. As they did so, her skin was literally sliding off in the their hands. When she finally woke up, she was in excruciating pain, and after the ambulance arrived, the EMTs informed them that they saved her just in time, as only a little while longer in the water and she would have died. Thanks to Gangsta, her little stubborn superhero pomeranian, Debbie survived. 

(Picture from Debbie!)

With third degree burns over much of the left side of her body, Debbie has undergone many surgeries, including skin grafting and surgery to her left eyelid. Her next is scheduled for early October 2011, when balloons will be put in under her skin to expand the scarred and burned skin, which is very tight and often painful. 
I visited Debbie in the hospital when this all first happened, which her and her family refer to as her "accident." She spent 38 straight days in the burn unit at Stony Brook hospital. With bandages around her head, face, and most of her body, she was still upbeat. She was laughing and joking with all of us, and though that may have been partly due to her pain medication (she was pretty darn funny on that stuff) and didn't exactly know what was going on half of the time, I know it was also due to her fighting personality. I've seen her covered in bandages in the hospital and finally home with only some bandages, to only a few, to only one, but still in pain. I've rubbed cocoa butter on her wounds to stop the dryness and itching, and I've held her hand in the doctor's office with her as she received agonizingly painful steroid injections to break up the keloids on her skin, and while some of these things caused tears, she has never given up. She always remains hopeful, confident, and strong. She still jokes, laughs, and isn't afraid to open up and talk about what happened and what her next step to recovery is. She gets better every day, and her body is healing at a rapid pace, and she improves every time I see her. This is not to say she is never sad or upset. She is only human. But when it comes to her health and her recovery, she is consistently flourishing with optimism. She is an unwavering, continuous pillar of strength, and I couldn't be more proud of her, her attitude, and her diligence in her road to recovery. She is a survivor in her own right.

Thank you to everyone in this post for the inspiration. I love you all!

So, how about you? 

Who inspires you?

You can participate in three ways! Head over to Concrete Jane to see how, be entered to win this month's prize of yummy Reverse Chocolate Chip Cookies, and have a donation made in your name to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society! What are you waiting for?