Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Cats Suck

I was in 5th grade. I had just moved to the district the previous year, and besides my best friend Jill who lived across the street, I didn't make many friends. Finally, in Mr. Ellenwood's class, I met a second best friend, Jacquie.

We always sat next to each other, and secretly passed notes back and forth. When we had spelling quizzes, the way we would grade them in class would be to switch papers with the person sitting next to us, and our partner would check it for us and vice versa. Jacquie and I always switched with each other, since we sat adjacent to one another. If one of us misspelled a word -- and it was usually off by only a letter or two -- we would secretly correct it for the other one by using our pen to continuously write over the mistake so we would get higher grades. Though, hardly any of mine were ever spelled incorrectly. ^_^

Jacquie lived close by, only a few blocks away, and we would hang out together all the time. And since we were in the same class together, we also spent recess together. I don't remember how this came about, but our imaginations created this fantasy land, a planet in another galaxy called K.A.T. Original, right?

Have you ever read the book series, The Animorphs? It was about these kids who had special powers to turn into any animal they touched. But, if they stayed in the animal form too long, they would be stuck like that forever. Our K.A.T. planet had somewhat the same premise, without being stuck in one form or another. We pretended that we were originally from this planet full of cats. Much more intelligent cats than we have on Earth, of course, with language capabilities and complex enough brains and thoughts to run our own planet. Our real bodies were cats, of course, and we were living on Earth as humans.

Ironic, now, considering my relationship with cats at the moment. My uncle Mike and his wife went to California last week for vacation. In their absence, I took care of his house and his pets. One dog, Heidi, one cat, Kitty, and a new, fostered cat named Milly.

Kitty absolutely loathes Milly. He wants nothing to do with her, and the second he sees her, he starts hissing and flipping out. Therefore, the two must be separated at all times.

Kitty is allowed outside, but only with a harness attached to a leash so he doesn't get away and get lost. He's been used to this harness for years, and simply just waits and allows it to be put on him. One morning, in the middle of the week, he wanted to go outside like any other day. Except on this particular day, he had some kind of stick up his ass.

He walked to the back door and stood by it looking up at me, meowing. I grabbed his harness from the counter, and joined him by the door. He became excited and inched closer, waiting to be let out. I kneeled down, ready to slip on his harness like every other day. The second I moved my hands to his head, he completely freaked out, and decided he wanted to inflict some unnecessary pain.

He grabbed my arm with his front paws, claws outstretched, and sunk his teeth into my skin.


This picture in no way does justice to what actually transpired on my flesh after his bite. I couldn't believe the bruise he gave me from that. It was actually much darker and bigger than what the picture can show. I swear I think he's bipolar.

Two days later, on Friday, I finished work and drove back to my uncle's. I fed them all, changed my clothes, and let Kitty outside on the leash. About an hour later, I hear scratching at the back door. I know what that means.

I walked to the back door, and I see this:

I iz Spiderman.

Just chillin'. He does this every so often. I have no idea why. I then must go outside and pry him off the door.

Before I can do that, I look down and see Milly, on her hind legs, with her front paws on the door, staring up at Kitty. Great. I can't get him off the screen with her there, or he'll panic.

I leaned down to pick up Milly. I put my hands on her, and she turned psychotic. She unleashed an unknown vicious side of her. Her normal calm demeanor was gone. Her loving, playful personality vanished, and out came a vicious, maniacal beast. She attached herself to my arm, claws sunken into my skin, slicing me with her hind legs while simultaneously biting me with razor sharp fangs. This was the end result:


Again, the picture does no justice to the actual damage. I filled two entire paper towels with blood from this attack, and my right hand and left index finger were swollen for days. The only silver lining was that it happened Friday evening, and I didn't have to teach or sign over the weekend, because I wouldn't have been able to. Everything hurt to the touch. I couldn't pick up my bag. Showering took twice as long. What a pain in the ass cats are.

Appropriately, this showed up on my Facebook wall yesterday:


So true. Five minutes later, Milly was acting like my best friend and wanted to cuddle up to me. Temperamental jerks. What the hell is wrong with cats?

Conclusion: This is why dogs are a trillion times better and always will be. 

15 comments:

  1. Kerry, sorry to laugh at your pain, but I'm afraid this was funny. I'll never understand cats, though I have to admit I love them. When I'm not hating them, that is....

    Thanks for linking up with the TALU!

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    1. Haha yes, the story itself is kind of funny. I actually cried over the second incident, probably because I'm a big wuss, but I'm also blaming it on being incredibly stressed out that week with work and teaching (students were crazy that job), plus the previous attack...

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  2. I'm with ya', Kerry. I loved my accidental adopted cats - two in 34 years - but after the last one passed on, I got a dog! So fun! Puppyhood was challenging, but my list of pros now far outweighs the cons lately. Nicely written post, too, by the way. (TALU ;-))

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    1. Right? Dogs will always have a special place in my heart. =) Thanks for reading!

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  3. This is the reason why I don't have cats. They ARE Bipolar. LOL.
    Yikes - Hope those nasty cuts heal soon. Be sure to keep antibiotics on them for a while.

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    1. Seriously! Bipolar all the way! lol.

      Thanks for the well wishes! This actually occurred 7 months ago back in May, so the cuts are all healed now. Instead, they all turned into scars! Some of which are still purple. Jerks.

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  4. I agree- cats do suck. But that picture of Spiderman-cat cracked me up! Loved your childhood reminiscence, too! TALU :)

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    1. Thanks, Stephanie! The first time I saw his Spidey skills I was both confused and amused! He's quite the oddity.

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  5. Omg! If that picture is an understatement then those are really, really bad! Because that looks bad. They're psychotic. TALU

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    1. Haha, it was bad! They're such jerks. The weird thing is that Milly was the NICE one! Someone adopted her, and now my uncle has a new cat (originally a foster who they decided to keep). His name is Milo, and he is ADORABLE. The sweetest thing ever, and he actually gets along with Kitty. Hopefully I can babysit them some time. Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. Sorry about your pain, but I still love my kitties! Would never trade them for a dog, but maybe I am just as crazy as they are! Visiting from TALU!

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    1. To each their own ;-) Thanks for reading!

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  7. It's soooo true! One of my cousins has a cat that made himself at home with them. He'll come up and cuddle against you, but heaven forbid if you reach to pet him, you take your life in your hands!! So why does he keep cuddling up to me?!?!?!?! Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????? Maybe he know I'm allergic to him. ;)

    [#TALU]

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    1. They are evil beings! They must be secretly plotting to take over the world.

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  8. I used to have a cat too, her name was Ms Amanda White. When she was growing up she touched almost everyth I touched. she goes where ever I go around the house. she occupied my bed all the time, she wanted too much of my attention and scratch me a lot when I don't give her the attention she needed. She took over my pc and the tv. She was a spoiled brat. when I left for another country it torn my heart to see her struggling to get out from the box to run to me, coz I gave her away ;-( visiting from TALU

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